Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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