the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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