Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
