I wanna passion pit in your ass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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