youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
