Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
