thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've blown a few things in my day
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
