what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
