watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
