I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
