Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
