your thong is hanging out like whoa
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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