eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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