is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
