You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
