i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
