so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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