I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
