It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
