Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I want is dick and wine.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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