$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
