Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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