I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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