Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
