I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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