CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
