We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
