Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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