I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
