how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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