the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
