I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
