I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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