yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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