I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
