I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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