i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
