I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
