so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
