I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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