i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
