You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How's work?
Spinning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
