I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
