it was like eating out sand paper
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
