giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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