Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
