So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
