Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
