Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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