Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
